I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I want to fling myself into the sun
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
