if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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