how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just want to make out with him forever
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
