so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
