haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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