My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
