It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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