i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
