you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
