My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
im holly from the hills drunk
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
