whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
