Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Randomize
