he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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