The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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