All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm like, not good at living.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
