Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I want to fling myself into the sun
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
