tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
