She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
