Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
