please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
