I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think I am morally bankrupt
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
