Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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