I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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