i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
