Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
