I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
