She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
