I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
