shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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