I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
