just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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