Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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