dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
