it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
