Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
