someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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