if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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