My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
