I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
