no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
