Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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