dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
