You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
