Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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