no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
