well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
