Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I need moral support for this bender
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
