but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
