I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
