It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
