Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
